Not letting others define your values

By having defined principles (values) that you live by in life, you give yourself something to measure up against, your personal GPS.

This tool becomes particularly helpful when there’s a conflict of any sort in your life, as you are able to take a step back, assess the situation more clearly and not let others define what’s okay and not okay for you.

Not letting others define your values | Balanced People

In my last post ‘What is true happiness?’ we talked about the importance of defining your core values and balance them with your thoughts, words and actions in order to find peace of mind – happiness, and we considered the questions you can ask yourself to help you outline this personal guidance system.


Tip: Try listing some keywords and let them form into your list of morals, your life manual of right and wrong. Remember this list is fluid and changes as you develop in life.


Managing conflict

In life we’re often confronted with times where we may have done something wrong to someone or when someone is angry at us. If you’re in this situation, take a moment, consult your list and consider whether or not this action was in alignment with your values.

  • Yes the action in question is aligned with my values

In this case, you know there is no conflict and can therefore gracefully let the other person know that you’re sorry that you’ve offended them and that this was certainly unintentional, however you should also let them know that this questionable action is in accordance with your principles. Respectfully allow yourself to disagree with them.

“Remember, if you say no to someone, and they get angry, it doesn’t mean you should have said yes.”

Managing conflict | Balanced People

  • No the action in question isn’t aligned with my values

On the other hand, if it’s not in alignment with who you want to be, then you can thank them for their courage to speak their truth and take responsibility for the hurt you may have caused. Let them know how you’ll rectify the situation and how you intend to act in future. You may even throw in, that changing habits can take practice so you give them full permission to inform you if you happen to do something similar again!

Remember that your morals are your personal GPS in life and they’ll guide you on your path. Your own rules of conduct will lessen any confusion or conflict you may feel inside when you don’t know how to feel about something.

Take back control

You can’t let others be the judge of what is wrong and right for you, it’s not fair on them, creating an imbalance in your relationship with them and yourself. Not being clear on your own morals is painful for you because you have no clear guiding system on what is and isn’t ok for you. Therefore your relationships will be painful too.

Take back control | Balanced People

Your personal life manual of right and wrong

Your personalised GPS will help you make all your decisions easier in life e.g. how to choose career, what type of friends you want, the kinds of conversations you choose to engage in. All in all – it’s your core reference point that you can go back to, when you are not sure if a certain choice is right for you or not.


 “True happiness arises when we are living a life that resonates with our core beliefs.”

In case you missed it, see my last post ‘What is true happiness?

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